A young boy and his doting grandmother were walking along the sea shore when a huge wave appeared out of nowhere, sweeping the child out to sea. The horrified woman fell to her knees, raised her eyes to the heavens and begged the Lord to return her beloved grandson. 

And, another wave reared up and deposited the stunned child on the sand. The grandmother looked the boy over carefully. He was fine. 

But still she stared up angrily toward the heavens. "When we came," she snapped indignantly, "he had a hat!"

Men in Heaven - Who is the Head of the Household?

At the end of the age when all the believers were standing in line waiting to get into heaven, 

God appeared and said, "I want all the men to form two lines. 

One line will be for the men who were the true heads of their households. 

The other will be for the men who were dominated by their wives."

God continued, "I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

The women left and the men formed two lines. 

The line of men who were dominated by their wives was seemingly unending. 

The line of men who were the true head of their household had one man in it.

God said to the first line, "You men ought to be ashamed or yourselves. 

I appointed you to be the heads of your households and you were disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose. 

Of all of you, there is only one man who obeyed me. Learn from him."

Then God turned to the lone man and asked, "How did you come to be in this line?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

DO YOU KNOW YOUR HYMNS?

Dentist's Hymn.................................... Crown Him with Many Crowns.
Weatherman's Hymn............................ There Shall Be Showers of Blessings.
Contractor's Hymn............................... The Church's One Foundation.
The Tailor's Hymn................................ Holy, Holy, Holy.
The Golfer's Hymn.................................There's a Green Hill Far Away.
The Politician's Hymn........................... Standing on the Promises!
Optometrist's Hymn............................. Open My Eyes That I Might See.
The IRS Agent's Hymn.......................... I Surrender All.
The Gossip's Hymn...............................Pass It On.
The Electrician's Hymn......................... Send The Light.
The Shopper's Hymn............................ Sweet Bye and Bye.
The Realtor's Hymn.............................. I've Got a Mansion,  Just  Over  the Hilltop.
The Massage Therapist's Hymn............ He Touched Me.
The Doctor's Hymn.............................. The Great Physician. 

AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:
55 mph ........................... God Will Take Care of You
75 mph .............................. Nearer My God To Thee
85 mph ............................. This World Is Not My Home
95 mph ............................. Lord, I'm Coming Home
100 mph ........................... Precious Memories
 
Give me a sense of humor, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humor out of life,

The End is Near !

A local priest and pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!"

They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he
sped by.

From around the corner they heard a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'the bridge is broken' instead?"

You're Next

I hate when I am at weddings and all the old people poke me and say "You're Next!"
So I started doing the same to them at funerals!