Minister couldn't stop talking

This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made.The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes.The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes.
But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes.
When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way.The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk.
The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot.
The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... and I
couldn't stop talking!

Whose dad is the most talented?

3 kids are sitting on the curb, the first one says "guess what? my dad is so talented he writes stuff down on paper calls it a poem and they send him $100 for it!" the second kid says "oh yeah? my dad is so talented he draws squiggly lines on a notebook calls it art and they give him $300 for it!" "that's nothin" the 3rd kid says, "my dad writes some words down calls it a sermon, and it takes five guys to collect all the money!"

Two Brothers

In a certain suburban neighborhood, there were two brothers, 8 and 10 years old, who were exceedingly mischievous. Whatever went wrong in the neighborhood, it turned out they had had a hand in it. Their parents were at their wit's end trying to control them. Hearing about a priest nearby who worked with delinquent boys, the mother suggested to the father that they ask the priest to talk with the boys.
The mother went to the priest and made her request. He agreed, but said he wanted to see the younger boy first and alone. So the mother sent him to the priest.
The priest sat the boy down across a huge, impressive desk he sat behind. For about five minutes they just sat and stared at each other. Finally, the priest pointed his forefinger at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy looked under the desk, in the corners of the room, all around, but said nothing.
Again, louder, the priest pointed at the boy and asked, "Where is God?"
Again the boy looked all around but said nothing. A third time, in a louder, firmer voice, the priest leaned far across the desk and put his forefinger almost to the boy's nose, and asked, "Where is God?"
The boy panicked and ran all the way home. Finding his older brother, he dragged him upstairs to their room and into the closet, where they usually plotted their mischief. He finally said, "We are in BIIIIG trouble."
The older boy asked, "What do you mean, BIIIIG trouble?"
His brother replied, "God is missing and they think we did it."

The Lord's Prayer

A mother was teaching her 3 year old daughter the Lord's prayer. For several evenings at bedtime she repeated it after her mother. One night she said she was ready to solo. The mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word right up to the end
"Lead us not into temptation" she prayed, "but deliver us some E-mail, Amen".

It's funny that you should mention that. . . .

Two Jewish gentlemen, long-time friends, happened to meet, and one noticed that the other seemed depressed.
"What's wrong?" he asked
"There's terrible trouble in my family, " the first fellow said. "I sent my son to Israel so that he would come home a better Jew and believe it or not, he came home a Christian."
"It's funny that you should mention that," said the second man. "Exactly the same thing happened to me. I sent my son to Israel so that he'd become a better Jew, and he too, came home a Christian."
They both decided to seek the advice of their rabbi. They went and told their rabbi what had happened in their families.
"It's funny that you should mention that," said the rabbi, "because exactly the same thing happened in our family. I sent my only son to Israel in hope that he would become a better Jew, and, believe it not, he also came home a Christian."
At that, the three men fell to their knees, and with tears streaming down their faces, addressed God the Father Almighty directly. When each of them told the Lord their stories, they heard a voice from heaven reply: "It's funny that you should mention that . . ."